Sunday, October 30, 2016

Canada to Build Border Wall to Stop Flood of U.S. Citizens Fleeing President Trump

November 9, 2016

Today Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada announced the construction of a wall across the entire southern border of Canada. The wall is meant to prevent tens of thousands of political refugees fleeing the United States into the Canuck country after Trump bested Clinton in the heated American presidential election last night.

"They're bringing trailers, farm animals, and impoliteness. And some I assume are not completely stupid people." Trudeau stated. He reassured Canadians that the great expense of the wall will be paid by Mexico.

When asked what Mexico has to do with a Canadian wall, Trudeau replied, "You have a good point," and then broke out a cigarette.

President-Elect Trump issued an ultimatum that Canada cease and desist from building the wall or he would sue the country for $500 Billion in a secret military tribunal created for the sole purpose of ensuring The Donald wins 'bigly.'

"What is wrong with these Canadians? Don't they know they suck at everything? They are always going on about their maple syrup. It's crap. Vermont maple syrup is the only syrup I grab for breakfast. In fact, we should probably make that Canadian stuff illegal." Said Mr. Trump.

Protesters outside Trump Tower in New York City held hand made signs saying "JUST TRY TO GRAB MY SYRUP!"

Across the Atlantic, Russian President Putin weighed in on the ongoing North American conflict. "I don't grab Canadian syrup at the grocery store. Mostly, because I have never seen a grocery store, nor have any other Russian citizens." Mr. Putin said. "We in Russia prefer Vodka to food, no need for grocery store, and definitely no need for syrup." Mr. Putin explained with a maniacal laugh.

When pressed about the proposed wall, Mr. Putin responded, "I though this whole thing was about maple syrup?"

Ex-Mexican President Vincente Fox was furious when he heard second hand that Mexico will be paying for Canada's wall. "Yo no voy a pagar para la puta pared de Los Gringos de Syrup. [I'm not going to pay for the f@cking wall for the Syrup Gringos].

Everyday Americans seemed not to care about the wall unless they are on The Donald's shit list. It is the higher profile celebrities that look to flee to Canada in herds to avoid the revenge of Don President once he takes office.

One celebrity with prior Trump scuffles came forward and asked to be named only by a pseudonym, Rose E. Dawnell, for her protection. "I hate no other man more in America than this cheese puff, and I'm a lesbian!" Ms. Dawnell stated emphatically. "I hope his hair spray can bursts into fire and burns his horse hair wig off." She added.

Hillary Clinton could not be reached for a comment. A source close to Mrs. Clinton said she had been in confined to her house in New York in a 'Tourette's like coma' in which she could not stop crying out "Weiner f@cked me! Weiner f@cked me!"

B. Michael Antler, reporting from The Twilight Zone

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