Monday, January 18, 2016

At a Loss for Love

At the ripe old age of 32, I find myself the last of my high school friends that is not married or engaged. I'm not even talking to a girl, let alone in a relationship. I haven't had a genuine relationship in 5 years.

How is it that some of us just seem to stay single despite genuine and strong efforts to find that special someone?

Are us single folk all aesthetically repulsive? Are we ignorant, slow minded, or boring? Are we assholes that no one can stand? Do we lack confidence, humor, or imagination? Do we smell bad? Give it to us straight.

Perhaps it is a mix of some or all of the above. Or maybe we are just plain misunderstood.

The hardest part about being single at this age is seeing everyone else married or in serious relationships. It's not a matter of jealousy, but rather a matter of confusion. Why am I single? What is it? Speaker for the female race, please tell me the reason I get shot down more than John McCain in Vietnam.

Are some people just destined to be single forever? I want to be able to say no, but in this world the answer is probably yes.

For me personally, I have always been quirky to say the least. I listen to classical music. I love Star Trek. I'm a super geek when it comes to technology and gadgets. I read books like Moby Dick for pleasure, not English class. I like fine dining and suave clothes. I care about the way I look when it comes to grooming. And, I have a fondness of antiques such as a 100 year old Underwood No. 5 typewriter.

Is it possible that some people are just so different from the typical cultural norm that it pushes away potential mates before they can understand why some people are seemingly so different.

I have never been one that needs to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't want one.

We all judge ourselves against everyone else, usually too harshly. But after 15 years of near constant rejection from females, it is only natural that I'm questioning why me.

I can't answer the question which is the must frustrating part. So every quirk that makes me me, could be the reason why I've been single for nearly my entire life.

I like me. And I will not change what I read, or the clothes I wear because it may get me a girlfriend.

So what is a single guy to do? Give up altogether and hope that one day the perfect woman jumps into my arms?

The discouraged dater...

The longer you are out of work, the harder it is to get a job again. Soon, a job seeker becomes discouraged and may stop looking altogether. The same is true with dating. Everytime I approach a girl, despite my best efforts, I still expect to be rejected because it is seemingly the only outcome I've ever received.

So yes, though I still want a relationship, it is harder due to my discouraged past. On occasions when I have met someone that has mutual feelings for me, it seems that the relationship is right out of a soap opera. I've been cheated on, dumped for no apparent reason, or been treated terribly.

While I am not content to give up on finding the right person, there is undeniable pain in trying to understand why I can't find or hold a meaningful relationship.

Maybe I'll be alone my entire life. Maybe not. But I will stay true to myself and have faith that one day someone will see beauty in me the way I see it in so many others.

-B.

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