Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday Needs to Die!

It boggles my mind what people will do to save a few extra bucks, especially on electronics. For instance, on all local news programs we see lines of fools camping out around Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, etc. The sight is almost indistinguishable from the occupy [enter city/park name here] protests.

For those of you who don't know why it's called "Black Friday," here is the deal:

1. It is almost ubiquitously the day where all retailers go from actually losing money during the year to getting into the 'black' or more like green. I know it's hard to believe that Best Buy loses money for 11 months of the year, but as with the X-Files: the truth is out there.

2. Black connotates the [enter appropriate synonym for craziness here] that ensues at 12:01am on Friday morning.

That's our lesson on fun, but completely trivial factoids for today.

Then once Black Friday is over, we have Cyber Monday! Thanks internet. You gave the entire marketing machine of corporate America yet another reason to sell us more junk 2 days after already buying lots of junk. I suppose we should really put the blame on Al Gore since he invented the damn thing. Shame on you Al!

There are 365 days in a non-leap year. According to the CBO, that gives us 363 days to shop besides Black Friday and Cyber Monday. I've checked the's a little fuzzy but I think it holds water. This begs the question why are Americans so obsessed with shopping on these two days?

The answer is ADDICTION. As Americans we are conscious and subconscious addicts of everything and anything. Sure we all have our specific addiction fetishes like one armed prostitutes, and huffing paint cans. But there are some addictions that affect many more people than others.

Shopping is undoubtedly one of them. It meets all the addiction criteria. From increasing serotonin, adrenaline, and dopamine levels in the brain, making you feel better from a substance. Shopping becomes an obsession causing irrational purchases and actions: i.e. buying three copies of Lord of the Rings (ya know, cuz there are three special editions, each more special than the next), to camping in a three day line.

These ridiculous marketing inspired shopping days are akin to getting drunk every Christmas and high every 4th of July. The substance of choice is all that is different. And, while I would enjoy a warm, innocent Thanksgiving day without the slime of marketing, we all know that AA doesn't work, so why would SA (shopper's anonymous)?

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. I ain't ending no more blogs with Today's B-Word.

P.P.S. I had to say something else or I would have contradicted myself in the same sentence in the P.S!

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