Friday, September 23, 2011

Lawyers Welcome

Since the beginning of American history, lawyers have always been looked down upon. John Adams, perhaps the most famous practicing lawyer before revolutionary was ridiculed countless times and in countless ways by countless peoples for making a living in 'parasitic' form. At the time, and to this day, lawyers have never had the esteem of a military officer or of a professor of just about anything except law.

Why does our past and present culture so despise the agents of law that are meant to protect us? A very good question indeed. I surmise it is because lawyers benefit from others misfortunes. Yes, the same could be said about doctors, dentists, and undertakers. However, those professions benefit from trying to help people whose problems stem from situations they can't control, say cancer, or weak tooth enamel.

With lawyers, the problem the lawyers are solving is almost always partially self-inflicted, or inflicted by someone else. When you have to put up your house because your cancer treatment costs $100k you hate insurance companies and perhaps the hospital, but you do not hate the doctor overseeing your treatment.

When you get busted for selling crack to Charlie Sheen, you hate the lawyer you have to pay $100k to keep you out of the big-house because the only person else to blame is yourself (for selling Charlie crack, or as he prefers to call them: rocks). And who in today's modern age would choose to blame themselves for their own actions? I certainly can't think of anyone except maybe Jesus and he's historical kinda? But who follows in Jesus's footsteps? That's right no one, unless you were the Romans marching him to his crucifixion.

We despise lawyers for other reasons too. They on the whole take themselves too seriously. They make more money that 90% of the population by sitting in air-conditioned rooms year long just talking and writing. Many believe they should be called Dr. so and so as they have Juris-Doctorate degrees. And, just about every member of Congress has a law degree. Considering Congress sports an approval rating lower than self-disembowelment, it's not hard to understand why lawyers have a negative connotation.

Perhaps these are all the reasons why I want to become a lawyer so much. Dr. Antler has a nice ring to it, and I'll never be licensed to use a scalpel on other people. But the real reason for wanting to become a lawyer is the challenge associated with high-level law. I'm not talking about trying drunk stops and 2nd degree wife beatings, but forming a better society that we all agree on.

As we've all seen more clearly than perhaps ever in our lifetime that Congress is as functional as Helen Keller before the 'Miracle Worker.' Case law has now become the only logistically relevant way to make new social precedence. I'm sorry Helen, I was trying to think of something else to bash for being dysfunctional, but the AOL-Time Warner merger was just not really funny, except to those that shorted the stock.

Lawyers, dislike them or really dislike them, are still an indispensable part of our society. We may hate to admit it, but when someone screws you over, it's the lawyer that gets you restitution.

So remember, you can hate the lawyers, but they'll always be there when you need to spend your money most.

And that's today's B-Word.

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