Friday, June 24, 2011

Bold Bank Robber Attacks Cumberland!

Bryan Antler here on the scene where earlier today a white male suspect held up a local Cumberland Susquehanna Bank Branch. The suspect allegedly robbed the branch sporting a handgun. Yes, it was an armed robbery. But folks, it gets much better from here.

The white guy that robbed the place had a black girl as his getaway driver. 21st century Bonnie and Clyde? I don't think so. The would be villains only did one thing right. They robbed the bank at the right time. On Friday's, all the local big companies  like CSX and the Corrections facilities have a surge of workers coming in to cash their paycheck. They stock lots of cash on Friday's.

The take was allegedly upwards of $45,000! So they accidentally or impressively happened to rob the right bank at the right time.

Then the problems of getting away start...

Die packs. what a crazy concept, that even though everybody (umm, perhaps except the two featured in this story) know about die packs in bank robberies. In fact, did you know that if a teller gives a robber a die pack and it explodes he/she gets a $600 bonus? True, so I've heard from credible sources.

So the die pack exploded on the black female perp. And, she was apprehended apparently not a block away on foot from her apartment. The money was all recovered within hours, ruined with wretched die! How will the Treasury afford to pay to print more money? Oh, I forgot, by printing more money.

So currently the white male suspect that allegedly robbed the bank Dillinger style is still at large.

I have video of part of the 2 hours of a Maryland State Police helicopter circling over my house because the authorities believed they had cornered the thief within 2 blocks of my street. When I say the helicopter was over my house please take it completely literally because it was literally on top of my house.

There were State police, C3I detectives (a special local task force), Cumberland local police, & the FBI! Yes, there was a man in a black suit American Dad! style with a white shirt and black sunglasses. It was classic. I could see all this activity because the bandit's apartment with his kniving woman was in a place with a clear line of sight from the perch of my front porch. I kinda live on a mountain so I can see the hissaps.

I even used a scanner app on my smartphone to listen to the calamity. Lots of 10-4's.

And this is what the major news out of Cumberland was today.

And that is today's B-Word.

And nothing else special happened to me today. Except my friends were cool. Respect the Friendship.


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