Monday, June 20, 2011

And I Weigh in on a Weiner (former Congressman Weiner that is)

Politics is almost as entertaining these days as watching Half-Baked for the first time, baked. You have everything a good story needs: a beginning or problem the main character has to solve, rising action, a climax where we don't know what the main character will do , the falling action, and the denouement. I'm sure we all remember these academic concepts from eighth grade.

In the Weiner scandal, we actually knew Anthony quite well as of late, before the scandal broke. He was a regular on the cable news and politics shows. He was a frequent guest on The Colbert Report, and Real-Time with Bill Maher. We startied to see him positioning himself as one of the future big-wigs in Congress or other political positions such as Mayor of New York City.

And then the cock shots start coming out. First, we see the bulge. And let me say, for boxer briefs, it was more than impressive for a New York good ole' Jew boy.

Instead of Weiner lauding his weiner as a marvel of modern evolution, he took the tricky Dick Nixon approach. I'm paraphrasing, but essentially he said, "I'm not a cock." And, he did say verbatim, "I can not say with certitude that it is a picture of me." Well, he might of just said, It's not my cock because I never have a bulge that big. Not to mention, using the word "certitude" on all the news shows made him sound like a real weiner.

He tried to cover-up his schlong, claiming his Twitter account had be hacked. Oh, Mr. Weiner, don't you know the FBI can look at your IP address and confirm you indeed were at the computer in your office, home, cell phone, etc. When you claim to have been hacked.

Had Mr. Weiner, simply admitted he was proud to have a bulge that would give Ron Jeremy a run for his money, people probably would have forgave him. But, it's always the lie/cover-up that gets you. Unless you are a serial killer, the you might as well lie your ass off unless you like lethal injections.

But then once, this was all blown out of proportion, like any political sex scandal is, the pictures started coming out of the woodwork, faster than Larry Flint could go to print. And the other pictures, let just say...I hope he was thinking about a Playgirl spread, because I'm still having nightmares.

He may be the newest politician to leave office in ignominy, but I'm sure we'll see him back soon. Hell, even Eliot Spitzer got his own TV show, and he actually did something illegal, like hiring $50,000 top-class "escorts." I'm sure all they did was go to dinner and an opera...before they got back to his hotel room.

Note to all political leaders, if you choose to Brett Farve your crotch cell-phone style, make sure you're ready to handle the fire when it hits you. And most importantly...DON'T LIE. Lying is unforgivable, human mistakes are understandable.

Ok, before ending, one more Long-John joke (I thought of this one myself!) : What's the difference between Anthony Weiner's weiner and haggis? The non-Kosher one always tastes better :-0


And that's the B-Word.

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