Sunday, May 1, 2011


May 1st used to be a big shin-dig for the United States. Why you may ask? It commemorates the ass kicking we, the proletariat, gave to big-business back in 1886. The movement actually started when a buch of lazy-ass workers in the 1880s had protests to push for an 8-hour work day. Apparently they couldn't hack 18 hour days six days a week. What slackers my great-great grandparents were.

On a side note, the '80s is always a bad decade in every century. I'm really serious, the '80s always suck. Just look at Presidents and events going back to the 18th century:

20th Century: Jimmy Carter, 15% inflation, Ronald Regan, Iran-Contra, The Cold War, AIDS to name a few goodies. The only up side to the '80s: bartenders would cut you a line of coke in the happening places. And, it wasn't cut 90%.

19th Century: James Garfield was shot to death by Charles Guiteau, a little bitch that was pissed because he was snubbed from a cushy government job by the "temporary" Garfield Administration. Rutherford B. Hayes & Chester A. Arthur are remembered for only having memorable middle initials. Benjamin Harrison did scratch his ass while in office. The only upside to this century was rampant corruption in government, creating the sharecropping system to keep the black man down, and of course, financially raping the war-torn secessionists.

18 Century: The Revolutionary War, nuff said. Upside, lots of good beer and weed and opium, and everything else you wanted.

So, as I began about May Day before lamenting the 80's, I began to explain why May Day is important and should be a National Holiday.  But first, let us take a closer look at the history & creation of May Day:

On Tuesday May 4, 1886, at the Haymarket Square[3] in Chicago. It began as a rally in support of striking workers. An unknown person threw a dynamite bomb at police as they dispersed the public meeting. The bomb blast and ensuing gunfire resulted in the deaths of eight police officers, mostly from friendly fire, and an unknown number of civilians.[4][5] In the internationally publicized legal proceedings that followed, eight anarchists were tried for murder. Four men were convicted and executed, and one committed suicide in prison, although the prosecution conceded none of the defendants had thrown the bomb.." - Courtesy of Wikipedia. Don't want to get sued myself. And, certainly plagiarism is pretty embarrassing. Hard to tell a lie with the whole Google machine thing.

Back in my Grandfather's day they used to celebrate May Day by laying back in lawn chairs, drinking some Jack Daniels, and talking to your wife about the neighbors behind their back. Usually, talking about who was sleeping with who in the neighborhood, while the neighbors sat on lawn chairs on their lawn while the neighbors drank Jack Daniels and talked about who was sleeping with who in the neighborhood. We also did gay dances around a Maypole.  Each year they tried to erect another Maypole longer than the neighbors.

They'd also do the "Morris." The "Morris" explained:

"Groups of men dance together in costumes of traditional characters, often animal-men, in ceremonial folk dances. The central figure of the dances, usually an animal-man, varies considerably in importance. The name Morris is also associated with the horn dance held each year at Abbots Bromley, Staffordshire, England. This dance-procession includes six animal-men bearing deer antlers, three white and three black sets; a man-woman, or Maid Marian, and a fool." - Courtesy of

The worst part of losing May Day into oblivion was that it is now "Law Day." Seriously, Eisenhower hated the working man too. So he bitch slapped us when he proclaimed May 1 (Previously known as May Day or International Workers' Day) would now be known as Law Day, U.S.A. back in 1958. And it still is to today.

Even though the lazy-man's riot in Haymarket Square didn't actually occur on May 1st, we celebrate it like it does and still should today. Who can deny having a National Holiday & day off of work to celebrate having a day off of work is not what America is all about?

Happy May Day!



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