Thursday, April 7, 2011

Shutdown Ho!

America is one day away from celebrating its first government shutdown of the 21st century! I'm sure you are just excited as I am. And, those civilian government employees that are about to be furloughed for an indefinite period of time without pay are about to go dancin' in the streets.

I don't know many people that work menial government jobs that would be opposed to some much needed time off, if they were paid for it that is. So we can all look at this as a well deserved unpaid vacation for all those people struggling to make ends meet across the country. Of course, since gas prices haven't been this high in years, road trips are probably out of the question. So, I advise those about to be severed from the government's teet to start making plans to visit the local parks in your area, assuming they are not shutdown as well.

The old and disabled need not fear about a stoppage in their Social Security checks, for now at least. However, should this shutdown last into the late Summer months, the possibility of SS checks not arriving in your mailbox is a very real possibility. Moreover, the $14.3 trillion dollar debt ceiling is about to be reached. Unless Congress votes to increase its spending limit, all those useless government programs that over 50 million Americans depend on are in limbo of being shutdown as well.

The financing of the Federal Government has truly come to its first test. Not only are we suffering from crushing debt, deficits, debt ceilings, and a currently absent fiscal budget, but the country's ability to borrow money in the future is being questioned as well.

That is part of the reason why Republicans in control of the House are hell-bent on cutting wasteful government programs like funding for PBS, Planned Parenthood, student loans, and other programs only the poor depend on.

The rich still get their Bush-era tax cuts, which by anyone's assessment are still too much of a burden for multi-millionaires and billionaires to stomach. Luckily, I've come up with a solution to solve America's financial difficulties all on my own, and it's the right thing to do for America.

First, we need to cordon off a large plots of land in completely undesirable places. I suggest looking into plots adjacent to Indian Reservations. We can call these places "Obamaville's."

Second, we need to cut all entitlements for the unemployed, sick, infirm & elderly. Then we can mandate fast foreclosures of all households that have defaulted on their mortgages. Once we have effectively kicked out all the poor people from their homes, I believe the rich will be generous enough to trade blood donations for a one-way bus ticket to enter these wonderful places of poverty, surely rampant crime, starvation, and eventual death.

Once all these newly vacated properties are on the market, we can sell them to the International Community, spurring investment dollars to flood into America and the government coffers, ensuring a balanced budget for at least a few years, until we elect Sarah Palin president.

After Madam President Palin's inauguration, we can finally cut rich people's taxes to a reasonable tax rate. I think 0.5% to 0% is a fair tax rate for people that only make a few million dollars a year.

And, since the poor will be abandoned in razor-wired and electrified fenced off Obamaville's we can finally put them literally out of sight and out of mind.

Surely, with no water, food, medicine, and other provisions necessary to sustain life, the poor class of America will all die off within a year or two. We can then proudly say at that point that we have eliminated all poverty within our great country, while at the same time lowering taxes for all that still have high-paying jobs.

Who's with me? I imagine just about the whole country. So call your Congressmen and Senators and get this plan underway as soon as possible. Then we, the rich, can all sleep peacefully at night knowing that we have fixed the most pressing financial difficulties America is facing once and for all!

I hope those that can read stock tickers have enjoyed today's B-Word!

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