Sunday, November 7, 2010

California is Where the Pot Is. Still.

You know perfectly well that California lets you smoke, buy, grow, and pretty much do whatever else you want to do with marijuana barring beastiality videos. So,  I apologize for calling you stupid.

I'm currently in L.A. visiting family and friends; what I say now is what I have seen with mine own eyes (maybe). So let me tell you the story (true or not you can imagine for yourself, my lawyer made me put that disclaimer in) about how I got my California medical marijuana card. All you need is a California ID and a $160. You go to my hometown of Venice Beach, CA where all the muscle meat heads, surfers, skaters, and stoners converge for an orgy of what can only be described as the heart and soul of the West Coast.

There are signs advertising medical marijuana cards on the boardwalk. Let me give you an example of their advertising: "Get your medical marijuana card today from Dr. Kush!" I went into a place similar to this. The "doctor" was not there, only the guy that ran the front of the store selling all the bongs and pipes was in the place. The clerk told me to wait a few minutes as the doc would be in, in a little bit. Yeah. He was most likely getting his dong washed by some 20 something sugar baby.

So the store clerk said to me, "no problem my man," in a exotic arab accent. "You sign here, I give you card, doctor sign later." I inquired if he wanted me to tell him what ailed me as I did have legitimate reasons for using marijuana such as stress and anxiety relief. "Don't worry, everything is fine my man, $160 please and you take this medical marijuana card down the block to the dispensary, tell them Abdullah sent you."

I was a little surprised that I was issued a medical marijuana card sanctioned by the state laws of California without a doctor being present. I even came back to see if the doctor was in and would sign the paperwork. The clerk had almost already forgotten me and insisted my forged medical marijuana card was kosher as Christmas.

So I walked around the beach wondering if what had just happened was "good" or "bad." On the one hand, I believe that all people in this country should be allowed to smoke pot regardless of the law. That which isn't just, isn't law in my opinion. However, is it a "good" thing to have such of a laughable means of getting pot so easily or at least without any real legitimate system to regulate the system? This joke of a law makes the opposition really hate the whole concept of legalizing pot even more.

What do I say? Move to California where the pickens are good right now. The beaches are heating up and more comfortable than ever because of global warming and the girls make Kim Kardashian look like a witch. Even though prop. 19 (legalizing pot) failed this past Tuesday, you can still buy as much as you want with your medical card.

When I announce my permanent return to my native state sometime next year, don't ask why, just hand me a joint.

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