Well friends, times are tough these days if I am looking to get some free food for the first time in my life. I went to a local food bank today in Cumberland called St. Anthony's, good Christian people giving assistance to those that can't spend $300 at Whole Foods twice a week.
All are welcome even if you do make Trump money. So naturally where free stuff is being given away you get people that try and get as much free stuff as they can. Understandable, just how people take advantage of all things in life. And, it's Cumberland, Maryland, know by the locals as "Scumberland" where the most you can hope for out here is a welfare check (these women sure pop out a lot of babies).
So as I got in line at the food bank I was naturally expecting the place to be somewhat thrifty in nature, and perhaps some of the other people in line, unclean and unshaven most likely. What I did encounter was a lady whose stomach was so large it looked like her boobs were her stomach because it sagged so much.
She was flat chested as well, so the stomach really looked like 100 pounds of boos hanging on for dear life.
But she was the nice woman. Then another woman who looked like and sounded like the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons burst into the place.
She smelled somewhere between a rotting deer and fresh dog feces. She had a stuffed animal monkey on her shoulder, perhaps she thought she was hallucinating she was a pirate. The funniest part besides her getting banned from a free food bank, was the fact that she was on a cell phone with God knows who and yelling at the worker in the office on an office phone clearly at work.
Then the confrontation between the worker and the monkey lady started. Apparently it had gotten around town that this special gal was universally banned from all food banks in Cumberland permanently for reasons that they wouldn't say (like going too many times a month, you're only allowed once per month). The mokey lady started going crazy, the worker stood firm, and I filmed it on my camera phone. Enjoy (sorry it's sideways)!
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