Monday, October 25, 2010

Mouse Hunt with my .22 Sears & Roebuck, Ted Williams Edition Rifle

The fall is upon us and the cold weather seems to attract vermin looking for some free heat. Unfortunately for me I have a house that is 98 years old (this is where you try and figure out how old the house is, seriously, I'm not gonna tell). And a house with old age even if renovated is bound to have mice passage ways that we want not know about.

The problem all started when I started noticing pieces of mice crap all over my pantry. I mean all over. It was horrifying enough to make me gag. You can imagine the delight I had to clean it up. The rubber gloves were not enough to keep the nasty stench of fecal matter off me, and I gave myself a scolding hot shower of violation later.

Then the mouse hunt began. I decided it's not a good idea to put poison down because I wouldn't want Winston to have any chance of eating it. Not that Winston is stupid enough to eat it but you never know. I didn't want to put snapping traps down either because I feared Winnie might get hurt once again.

What else was there to eradicate this vile infestation with a tail? Well I had a rifle with bullets. Before you think I did what you already think I did let me say that you are right. But lots of explanation is required. You see, I had one of those little bastards corned in the back of the pantry but not enough time to put rubber gloves on because I didn't want the little bastard to give me the bubonic plague. What you didn't know was that the reason you got the plague from rats and yes mice as well was because of flea bites associated with being in mice and rat hair. You think I'm a pussy, well sorry, but I didn't want to end up looking like this:

So just by chance I happened to have a .22 ole Sears & Roebuck, Ted Williams Edition rifle loaded with rounds. Don't ask me why, but the rifle was there. I don't sit around my house all day waiting Elmer Fudd style to kill mice, but on this occasion I just happened to be lucky.

As the mouse stayed still in the back of the pantry where it was dark and he thought he was safe. I aimed the rifle closing one eye and aligning both sights on the little vermin. I slowly pulled back on the trigger, waiting intensely to see what was about to happen. I continued pulling on the trigger until I realized the safety was still on.

So I basically did everything above again, and this time fired! The mouse exploded like a little grenade was placed right underneath him. His little head was blown off and sat off by itself in the corner. The bloody tail was attached to some sort of skin that remained intact. The back of the pantry was soaked with blood.

For the first time in my life, I felt like a real Republican. In fact I'm gonna go get me a hunting license. That shit was tight seriously.

So for now I wait for more mice to get cornered, and hopefully next time I'll get some video.

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