Saturday, October 30, 2010

Halloween is for Sissies

Yeah that's right. Halloween lost it's coolness back in 1692 when we stopped burning witches at the stake. Today, all Halloween is, is a ridiculous secular holiday, embraced by corporations to get the consumers to spend billions for no real reason other than monkey see monkey do.

I mean, whatever happened to raising the dead, communicating with that Uncle you suspected was poisoned to death by his wife for the insurance money? It doesn't happen!

Sure around this time of year they show all the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th movies because they are supposed to be scary. But they are more like comedies these days because our movie technology has grown so much that anything from the 1980's trying to be scary, is really more like a good laugh.

Yet there is an undeniable argument that we all like a day of the year when we can all get drunker than Charlie Sheen and pretend to be someone else in the form of costumes.

There seems to be two different parts of Halloween, the kiddy trick or treating, and the adult guzzle 'til you hit the floor. Perhaps it's easier to mate with the opposite sex after a few drinks in a Vampire costume. I know from personal experience that girls in Baltimore, MD wear the least amount of clothes allowed by law and parade themselves around the city, inviting whatever they so choose to "take care of them" for the night.

So not, that I'm telling you anything you don't already know, but we need to accept Halloween for it's absolute insanity. Alcoholic Americans need no excuse to drink. But, when an event like Halloween comes around, there is an obligation to drink.

This Halloween I really don't have a costume. Not that I'm planning on trick or treating, but you never know, I like candy as much as little brats do.

Go out and enjoy this fake holiday as it will have a much higher probability of getting you laid than an average Sunday night.

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