Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Door to Door Vacuum Saleswoman...

Today, I had the unique experience of getting pitched a vacuum cleaner the old fashion way: Ding Dong, "can I give you a free gift just for vacuuming one of the rooms in your house?" By the time I'm done glancing at this young girls' pleasant chest, high heal shoes, lacy blouse, and a beauty of a butt, she has a 50 some odd part vacuum cleaner out and the pitches start coming fast!

"Come now you can't have a better vacuum than a Dyson everyone thinks, but this one is better because it actually gets 'the dirt' out of the floor." Hmm, I'm wondering to myself how many people can afford a Dyson, not many, I worked at BuyBest and it was definitely considered a big luxury purchase.

We'll get back to pricing later. So she's vacuuming my house. I so happens that my girlfriend's beast of an English Bulldog, has made the dining room his. It also makes me think of the cliche, "I don't shit where I eat." Naturally, the dining room, I have been avoiding due to the dog is now being essentially professionally cleaned for free, by a hot young chick, with adequate bosom, high heals, a lacy blouse, and a beauty of a butt.

So, with a clever trick, Jessica, the vacuum sales Goddess, uses our own carpet cleaner to show how vacuums, (even the Dyson) can't get 'the dirt' out of the carpet.

I was modestly impressed with the way the vacuum handled and it's general design. Then I started having my mind blown, the way door to door Mormon's can never do. She also started showing the attachments that came with the vacuum, and the 101 things this monster could do, all the way from being an air-pump, to a leaf blower, to an insecticide dispenser, to a head massager, to a paint sprayer, and yes even a dog groomer.

I started feeling the walls closing in. She was starting to make me think that the vacuum could solve every problem that might occur in my house.

She was just ready to get me to melt. She did. She asked to go to my bedroom. Not for the type of fun and games I had in mind, but to vacuum up the dead skin from my mattress. I was so horrified after expecting Jessica to put a little more I'll wiggle my tits to sell this ridiculous product to you.

We're now on hour 2, no joke. She's still finding things to talk about. She uses the quasi-liquid carpet shampoo feature to get out Pablo's pee stain's. Again, I wanted to hurl, but this time it was from the stench of Bulldog piss.

She starts talking the talk. "For today only, [because we are trying to con you today, not tomorrow,] I can give the Vacuum for only $1850.00!"

Gulp. Any other time it's over $2000.00. Double gulp. At this point I'm try to get her out the door as I'm never going to spend that much on a vacuum until inflation brings the $1850 worth about $80 today.

After a long hard struggle Jessica realizes that we aren't buying this vacuum. Her boss comes by for the second push; we stonewall him. They are waiting on a group vehicle so on the way out the door they realize they have no place to go and because it's raining they stand underneath our porch to stay dry. We watch them both standing out side our house under our house. She lights a Newport, he gets on his cell.
Wow. Two hours of attention required in one dose. I felt as best challenged since I was in college.

Morals of the story.
1. Beware of a hot young chick, with adequate bosom, high heals, a lacy blouse, and a beauty of a butt.
2. Getting sold by a door to door saleswoman is fun while stoned, but torture when sober.
3. Buy wood-floors!

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