Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cinco de Mayo or French Ass-Kicking Day?

Once again we have spun around the Sun and the High Holiday of Mexican alcoholics is here. Cinco de Mayo.

The nice part of this day is that friends all over North America gather in local watering holes, house parties, and just about everywhere else drinking takes place to booze it up to the point of relentless puking, and heavy hangovers.

If only those celebrating actually knew what Cinco de Mayo is all about. Many would be stumped. Others might say something asinine like "celebrating the invention of beer with salt on the rim of the bottle." People that know a little more might say it's Mexican Independence Day. Closer, but still no dice.

Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of kicking the French army's ass. Yeah, a hundred and fifty years ago people hated the French about as much as today. Something Americans can actually wrap their heads around.

The quick history is that a Mexican force under Benito (Spanish for Bryan) Juárez resisted a French attack on Mexican soil with a force half the size of the French army of 8,000. And, the Mexicans kicked ass. Sure, they defaulted on their debts to France prompting the battle, but who said Mexicans were ever good handling money?

If only the US would make Cinco de Mayo a holiday too. We could just call it "French Ass-Kicking Day." Tell me that a holiday like that wouldn't sell just as much beer and booze.

When a foreign country attacks a sovereign state for any reason with a superior force and loses we Americans take joy in it. As long as we are not the losers. That's what happened in our own revolution against the British (let's forget the part where the French bailed us out, and probably were the deciding factor for us winning the war).

So for all those out there that like drinking, defaulting on debts, and then kicking the asses of creditors, this is the holiday for you. And, since these practices are becoming more and more of what America has become, I think we have a very good case for adopting today as an American holiday as well.

We may need to kick some Chinese ass once we default on them. Let's just make sure we have the "Mission Accomplished" sign raised high on May 5th, 2050? regardless if that is the day when we win the war against the Chinese or not.

So to all those celebrating today, I commend your patriotism. These are truly our American values.

Happy French Ass-Kicking Day! I mean, Cinco de Mayo!

And that's today's word.

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